Wednesday, 31 December 2008

On the sixth day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me: The Sword. Before some clever dick points out that today is the 31st and the 7th day of Christmas, I know, and I'm playing catchup. Alright punk >.
The sword are one of the best bands around and their quick progress up the metal ladder is testament to this. With only 2 albums they are definitely the youngest lot in this little feature, but boy do they play good. Their first album was so fucking amazing that the second album was bound to be a slight let down. Nevertheless its still an excellent album and as solid as they come. This band can do no wrong at present.

Also did I mention the lyrics? Yeeeehaaaaa. Winters Wolves off the first album may have the best words to any song ever- go look them up!

How Heavy This Axe

"So many men have fallen
So many more must die
Cut down like wheat beneath a scythe
And through our limbs may be weary
of ripping, slashing, cleaving blows
We face an endless host of foes

How heavy this axe
Burden carried from birth
Wrought in Stygian visions
By the gods of the earth

Upon the hallowed mountain
The gods convene
To mourn the death of our ancient queen
Keepers of sacred fire
Awaken from your sleep
Drink from the cup of memory"


Monday, 29 December 2008

On the fifth day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me... Iron Maiiiiiden. I could say nothing more meaningful about Maiden than the last user comment on the youtube page I took todays video from! "My favorite band... I'm 52 and still they rock me like they have for years"- freza57. Fucking right on, man. I'm not even going to question why your profile lists you as 18years young, I'm choosing to believe your old man used your profile to post.
Leaving that potential quagmire behind I urge everyone to check out as many live Maiden videos as they can, their fans are crazy and the atmosphere just wouldn't work without them. Watching large gigs with thousands of fans who know every word to every song and never stop headbanging its easy to get caught up in the fever, and thats what I encourage you to do.

Fear Of The Dark

"Have you ever been alone at night
Thought you heard footsteps behind
And turned around and no ones there?
And as you quicken up your pace
You find it hard to look again
Because youre sure theres someone there

Watching horror films the night before
Debating wiches and folklore
The unkown troubles on your mind
Maybe your mind is playing tricks
You sense and suddenly eyes fix
On dancing shadows from behind"


Sunday, 28 December 2008

On the fourth day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me: Pantera. I looked over quite a few great videos for this post but can't get away from 'Fucking Hostile'. The song is just so big. Listening to Pantera I honestly believe the music is compressing my brain as it enters my head through every orifice- breathe it in ladies and gentlemen. Breathe it in.
Also anyone with any time should check out Its a website to honor the life of Dimebag Darrell Abbott and looks really well done. Great tattoo section and tributes by fans and musicians. Worth a look.

Fucking Hostile

"Come meet your maker, boy
Some things you cant enjoy
Because of heaven/hell
A fucking wives tale
They put it in your head
Then put you in your bed
Hes watching say your prayers
Cause God is everywhere"


Saturday, 27 December 2008

On the third day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me: SLAYER. No comments or anecdotes needed here. Slayer are probably the best Thrash Metal band ever, if you don't like their music it's no big deal, but I do pity you.


"I hate everyone equally
You can't tear that out of me
No segregation -separation
Just me in my world of enemies

I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow
I'll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple

I reject this fuckin' race
I despise this fuckin' place"


Friday, 26 December 2008

On the second day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me: Dio! Continuing the long hair theme from yesterday makes Dio an obvious choice- his big curly hair looks just like a mop of Christmas ribbon. Right? Anyway, the world would be a much poorer place without its old Rock icons and a listen to the video below proves that Ronnie James can still kick it. Dio and the band toured this year on the 'Metal Masters' tour with Judas Priest and Motorhead. Thats all anyone needs to know.

Truth told I don't know all that much about Dio, but what I do know is enough, they make a big noise and the lyrics are proper righteous metal lyrics. Just the way it should be.

Holy Diver

"Jump on the tiger
You can feel his heart but you know he's mean
Some light can never be seen"


Thursday, 25 December 2008

On the first day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me: Monster Magnet. Monster Magnet seem to have always been around, as long as I can remember anyway, and their back catalog would back me up on this. Always heavy, always good fun, and always with scantily clad dancers in the videos, Monster Magnet are always rock and roll. As much as I like this band, I couldn't post about them without calling lead Singer Dave Wyndorf a dick. I should have seen this band play a few years back but the tour was canceled because he overdosed. Don't get me wrong, if the band wasn't out of their minds 24/7 I probably wouldn't like the music and the lyrics wouldn't be so far out- still, bad timing for me, eh?

Enjoy the video and look out for the chick in the crowd at the beginning with the makeup. Wow.

Radiation Day

"So keep a blast of love and napalm
Rollin' through your head
Watch the tube enough
To freak you, before you
Go to bed
I never had the nerve
To love you, I couldn't
Find my way
Now I've got the chance to nail you
On radiation day"


Wednesday, 24 December 2008

A time of giving.

Tomorrow is Christmas Day and with the following 11 days makes up the 12 days of Christmas. To celebrate this and ensure everyone has a rocking Christmas period I will post a heavy metal track/video of my choosing each day of the 12. I declare this the 12 Days of Metal ChristmasTM.

Rock on & a Merry Christmas.


Tuesday, 23 December 2008

What a dick.

'Long way Round' and 'Long way Down' were really good shows. When 'ol Ewan McGregor wasn't looking cool on his motorbike with pal and beard wearer Boorman, he was off looking cool making movies, and might I add making a small fortune. It certainly wasn't cash problems then that inspired McGregor to participate in a soulless, ball-less perfume advert that's been airing the past 4 or 5 weeks. He's not the first to become a dick for no reason and he wont be the last.


Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Christmas 2008.

Yes, its a Christmas post! As the holiday period really goes into overdrive, adverts take on a festive theme, people start giving each other bits of cardboard and the music industry tries to bastardize more classic songs by giving them to new artists who sing them, well, wrong (you know who you are).

Everyone knows the best part of Christmas is the gifts & food, but unfortunately the excitement diminishes year after year and I think I've figured out why this is. There seems to be a scheduling error in December resulting in the new year coming along right after Christmas Day- really, it's less than a week after! Whoever thought following the best day of the year with what is easily the most depressing, gun-in-mouth terrible day of any year was not thinking straight. How can any adult enjoy Christmas as much knowing what fast approaches? Every year, convincing themselves 'this year will be better', refusing to acknowledge that every year for the last 5 years has been worse than the one before.

Rather than just piss all over something as I usually do, I'd like to suggest a solution! I vote we change the date of Christmas to sometime in early January, and use December 25th for nothing but somber religious ceremonies. This way, December 25th can regain its religious significance and NewYearsEve will eventually stop being so terribly mind numbing and reflective as everyone will be looking forward to Christmas.

This could work, it just needs support. That's you, readers.


Tuesday, 9 December 2008

J in my P's

Saturday Night Live is a weird one isn't it? I'd have no idea what the fuck it was if it wasn't for Youtube and Imported sitcoms. Still, with gems like this emerging from the show, it's no wonder that viral videos have made it an internationally recognised name. I won't spoil the punchline, just watch and hopefully piss yourself as much as I did.

Also notice the cameos from Justin Timberlake and more importantly, Jamie-Lynn Sigler a.k.a Meadow Soprano. I swear she gets hotter by the day. She gave my a boner the entire time The Sopranos ran for, that's some sort of achievement right? Perhaps she'd like to hear about it! I could send her a letter and a photo for proof! Surely she'd love that.

The Faux Bot

Sunday, 7 December 2008

What? Fuck off.

G-ddamnIhatethosemotherfuckers. Who's short of cash? Every 14 year old with a baseball cap and a switchblade has money for pointless ringtones. Its not just the deviant little bastards either, all the other 14 year olds with haircuts and mothers' packed lunches have got them too. This might be the most offensive website ever created and they're polluting TV advertising too. This weeks favorites are the one liners of a hand puppet/ ventrilliquists dummy called Achmed the terrorist. Genius. A man speaking through closed lips shouting 'I kill you' is not something I want to hear on the bus two thousand times. For the first time in your lives take some advice, save up all the ringtone money you're pissing away and go buy a Black Sabbath album. Christ, go buy the first 4 albums and make a positive stride.

"I'm telling you
Believe in me
Nobody else will tell you
Open your eyes
And see the lies, oh yeah

You think I'm crazy and baby
I know that it's true
Before that you know it I think
That you'll go crazy too"

-Black Sabbath, Killing Yourself To Live


Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Huggable Pillow Covers

I love finding stuff that makes me stop and consider my own reality. Finding something I consider so niche that it makes the brain go into overdrive imagining the kind of person who can seriously own such an item.

I give you the huggable pillow case:

What it does for $92.99 I'm not sure, but what I do know is that this concept is awesome. Having said that, I could never buy one. Why? There's a part of my brain that just wouldn't allow me to click 'proceed to checkout' even if I had this much disposable cash and added it to my cart on a gin soaked whim.

Any ideas on the kind of people pre-ordering this item are welcome, its a site these were found on but the magazine (where I think the image came from) and characters are Japanese. I'm happy to see this stuff has a market in the west, I'm just not sure who that market is.

To summarize: awesome yet confusing.

Get yours here! Choose from 3 designs!


Witty article title pending....

I sat on 'iTouch my Shuffle' for about ten minutes before I realised how fuck-awful it was. Being as this feature itself is incredibly soulless, I thought I'd better ponder the title for a bit longer. Whatever it gets called, here is the first of many posts with which I regale you with tales of how wondrous the shuffle function on my MP3 player is and what gems it has pulled up lately. So, In the famous words of Jesse: This week, I have been mainly listening to:

Say what you will about Mr. West. Go on. I do, rather loudly, and on a regular basis. He's an egotistical wanker who seems to think that the constant dropping of the term 'sonic art' and name-checking of Damien Hirst, somehow qualifies him as a 'true' artist. God knows what that even means, but he seems pre-occupied with it. Kanye was and still is, better than your average rapper and whilst I'd love to say that his new foray into synth-pop was a failure, it clearly isn't. The album as a whole is heartfelt and genuine and he manages to retain a fine layer of masculinity throughout, his over-use of the auto-tune making him seem robotic and disconnected from his outpouring of emotion. He's a smart guy and Paranoid is the stand-out track from 808's and Heartbreaks. No proper video, sorry.

What Do I Get? has pretty much always been my favourite Buzzcocks song. I first heard it on the Ghost World soundtrack and have loved it ever since. It's one of many perfect examples of poppy British Punk. They should put this in a time capsule just so they can see what we were capable of. I wish I had found this when I was 14. *sigh*

It's no secret that I love DEVO. The idea, the band, the image. They are the most infinitely interesting band to me. I remember when I discovered that Mark Mothersbaugh did the music for Rugrats. I nearly shit myself when it dawned on me that their unique sound had been with me my entire life, when I heard Devo for real, it was like part of my subconscious was re-awakened. Be Stiff! Well, go on!

What?! Who the fuck are The Coool Kids!? C'mon gramps. You got your finger up your ass and not on the pulse! Sorry. These kids are hipper than the name suggests and awesome with it. The bass makes my skull rattle on early morning bus rides, combined with my nuka-coffee to make the ultimate wake up mix. I'm Mikey.

That's it for now. Sorry for some of the shit videos. But alot of these weren't singles. Just enjoy the music and stay tuned for more coherent future posts with what's sure to be an awesome title. Word.

The Faux Bot