Wednesday, 31 December 2008

On the sixth day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me: The Sword. Before some clever dick points out that today is the 31st and the 7th day of Christmas, I know, and I'm playing catchup. Alright punk >.
The sword are one of the best bands around and their quick progress up the metal ladder is testament to this. With only 2 albums they are definitely the youngest lot in this little feature, but boy do they play good. Their first album was so fucking amazing that the second album was bound to be a slight let down. Nevertheless its still an excellent album and as solid as they come. This band can do no wrong at present.

Also did I mention the lyrics? Yeeeehaaaaa. Winters Wolves off the first album may have the best words to any song ever- go look them up!

How Heavy This Axe

"So many men have fallen
So many more must die
Cut down like wheat beneath a scythe
And through our limbs may be weary
of ripping, slashing, cleaving blows
We face an endless host of foes

How heavy this axe
Burden carried from birth
Wrought in Stygian visions
By the gods of the earth

Upon the hallowed mountain
The gods convene
To mourn the death of our ancient queen
Keepers of sacred fire
Awaken from your sleep
Drink from the cup of memory"


Monday, 29 December 2008

On the fifth day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me... Iron Maiiiiiden. I could say nothing more meaningful about Maiden than the last user comment on the youtube page I took todays video from! "My favorite band... I'm 52 and still they rock me like they have for years"- freza57. Fucking right on, man. I'm not even going to question why your profile lists you as 18years young, I'm choosing to believe your old man used your profile to post.
Leaving that potential quagmire behind I urge everyone to check out as many live Maiden videos as they can, their fans are crazy and the atmosphere just wouldn't work without them. Watching large gigs with thousands of fans who know every word to every song and never stop headbanging its easy to get caught up in the fever, and thats what I encourage you to do.

Fear Of The Dark

"Have you ever been alone at night
Thought you heard footsteps behind
And turned around and no ones there?
And as you quicken up your pace
You find it hard to look again
Because youre sure theres someone there

Watching horror films the night before
Debating wiches and folklore
The unkown troubles on your mind
Maybe your mind is playing tricks
You sense and suddenly eyes fix
On dancing shadows from behind"


Sunday, 28 December 2008

On the fourth day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me: Pantera. I looked over quite a few great videos for this post but can't get away from 'Fucking Hostile'. The song is just so big. Listening to Pantera I honestly believe the music is compressing my brain as it enters my head through every orifice- breathe it in ladies and gentlemen. Breathe it in.
Also anyone with any time should check out Its a website to honor the life of Dimebag Darrell Abbott and looks really well done. Great tattoo section and tributes by fans and musicians. Worth a look.

Fucking Hostile

"Come meet your maker, boy
Some things you cant enjoy
Because of heaven/hell
A fucking wives tale
They put it in your head
Then put you in your bed
Hes watching say your prayers
Cause God is everywhere"


Saturday, 27 December 2008

On the third day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me: SLAYER. No comments or anecdotes needed here. Slayer are probably the best Thrash Metal band ever, if you don't like their music it's no big deal, but I do pity you.


"I hate everyone equally
You can't tear that out of me
No segregation -separation
Just me in my world of enemies

I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow
I'll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple

I reject this fuckin' race
I despise this fuckin' place"


Friday, 26 December 2008

On the second day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me: Dio! Continuing the long hair theme from yesterday makes Dio an obvious choice- his big curly hair looks just like a mop of Christmas ribbon. Right? Anyway, the world would be a much poorer place without its old Rock icons and a listen to the video below proves that Ronnie James can still kick it. Dio and the band toured this year on the 'Metal Masters' tour with Judas Priest and Motorhead. Thats all anyone needs to know.

Truth told I don't know all that much about Dio, but what I do know is enough, they make a big noise and the lyrics are proper righteous metal lyrics. Just the way it should be.

Holy Diver

"Jump on the tiger
You can feel his heart but you know he's mean
Some light can never be seen"


Thursday, 25 December 2008

On the first day of Metal Christmas

...therightbullets gave to me: Monster Magnet. Monster Magnet seem to have always been around, as long as I can remember anyway, and their back catalog would back me up on this. Always heavy, always good fun, and always with scantily clad dancers in the videos, Monster Magnet are always rock and roll. As much as I like this band, I couldn't post about them without calling lead Singer Dave Wyndorf a dick. I should have seen this band play a few years back but the tour was canceled because he overdosed. Don't get me wrong, if the band wasn't out of their minds 24/7 I probably wouldn't like the music and the lyrics wouldn't be so far out- still, bad timing for me, eh?

Enjoy the video and look out for the chick in the crowd at the beginning with the makeup. Wow.

Radiation Day

"So keep a blast of love and napalm
Rollin' through your head
Watch the tube enough
To freak you, before you
Go to bed
I never had the nerve
To love you, I couldn't
Find my way
Now I've got the chance to nail you
On radiation day"


Wednesday, 24 December 2008

A time of giving.

Tomorrow is Christmas Day and with the following 11 days makes up the 12 days of Christmas. To celebrate this and ensure everyone has a rocking Christmas period I will post a heavy metal track/video of my choosing each day of the 12. I declare this the 12 Days of Metal ChristmasTM.

Rock on & a Merry Christmas.


Tuesday, 23 December 2008

What a dick.

'Long way Round' and 'Long way Down' were really good shows. When 'ol Ewan McGregor wasn't looking cool on his motorbike with pal and beard wearer Boorman, he was off looking cool making movies, and might I add making a small fortune. It certainly wasn't cash problems then that inspired McGregor to participate in a soulless, ball-less perfume advert that's been airing the past 4 or 5 weeks. He's not the first to become a dick for no reason and he wont be the last.


Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Christmas 2008.

Yes, its a Christmas post! As the holiday period really goes into overdrive, adverts take on a festive theme, people start giving each other bits of cardboard and the music industry tries to bastardize more classic songs by giving them to new artists who sing them, well, wrong (you know who you are).

Everyone knows the best part of Christmas is the gifts & food, but unfortunately the excitement diminishes year after year and I think I've figured out why this is. There seems to be a scheduling error in December resulting in the new year coming along right after Christmas Day- really, it's less than a week after! Whoever thought following the best day of the year with what is easily the most depressing, gun-in-mouth terrible day of any year was not thinking straight. How can any adult enjoy Christmas as much knowing what fast approaches? Every year, convincing themselves 'this year will be better', refusing to acknowledge that every year for the last 5 years has been worse than the one before.

Rather than just piss all over something as I usually do, I'd like to suggest a solution! I vote we change the date of Christmas to sometime in early January, and use December 25th for nothing but somber religious ceremonies. This way, December 25th can regain its religious significance and NewYearsEve will eventually stop being so terribly mind numbing and reflective as everyone will be looking forward to Christmas.

This could work, it just needs support. That's you, readers.


Tuesday, 9 December 2008

J in my P's

Saturday Night Live is a weird one isn't it? I'd have no idea what the fuck it was if it wasn't for Youtube and Imported sitcoms. Still, with gems like this emerging from the show, it's no wonder that viral videos have made it an internationally recognised name. I won't spoil the punchline, just watch and hopefully piss yourself as much as I did.

Also notice the cameos from Justin Timberlake and more importantly, Jamie-Lynn Sigler a.k.a Meadow Soprano. I swear she gets hotter by the day. She gave my a boner the entire time The Sopranos ran for, that's some sort of achievement right? Perhaps she'd like to hear about it! I could send her a letter and a photo for proof! Surely she'd love that.

The Faux Bot

Sunday, 7 December 2008

What? Fuck off.

G-ddamnIhatethosemotherfuckers. Who's short of cash? Every 14 year old with a baseball cap and a switchblade has money for pointless ringtones. Its not just the deviant little bastards either, all the other 14 year olds with haircuts and mothers' packed lunches have got them too. This might be the most offensive website ever created and they're polluting TV advertising too. This weeks favorites are the one liners of a hand puppet/ ventrilliquists dummy called Achmed the terrorist. Genius. A man speaking through closed lips shouting 'I kill you' is not something I want to hear on the bus two thousand times. For the first time in your lives take some advice, save up all the ringtone money you're pissing away and go buy a Black Sabbath album. Christ, go buy the first 4 albums and make a positive stride.

"I'm telling you
Believe in me
Nobody else will tell you
Open your eyes
And see the lies, oh yeah

You think I'm crazy and baby
I know that it's true
Before that you know it I think
That you'll go crazy too"

-Black Sabbath, Killing Yourself To Live


Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Huggable Pillow Covers

I love finding stuff that makes me stop and consider my own reality. Finding something I consider so niche that it makes the brain go into overdrive imagining the kind of person who can seriously own such an item.

I give you the huggable pillow case:

What it does for $92.99 I'm not sure, but what I do know is that this concept is awesome. Having said that, I could never buy one. Why? There's a part of my brain that just wouldn't allow me to click 'proceed to checkout' even if I had this much disposable cash and added it to my cart on a gin soaked whim.

Any ideas on the kind of people pre-ordering this item are welcome, its a site these were found on but the magazine (where I think the image came from) and characters are Japanese. I'm happy to see this stuff has a market in the west, I'm just not sure who that market is.

To summarize: awesome yet confusing.

Get yours here! Choose from 3 designs!


Witty article title pending....

I sat on 'iTouch my Shuffle' for about ten minutes before I realised how fuck-awful it was. Being as this feature itself is incredibly soulless, I thought I'd better ponder the title for a bit longer. Whatever it gets called, here is the first of many posts with which I regale you with tales of how wondrous the shuffle function on my MP3 player is and what gems it has pulled up lately. So, In the famous words of Jesse: This week, I have been mainly listening to:

Say what you will about Mr. West. Go on. I do, rather loudly, and on a regular basis. He's an egotistical wanker who seems to think that the constant dropping of the term 'sonic art' and name-checking of Damien Hirst, somehow qualifies him as a 'true' artist. God knows what that even means, but he seems pre-occupied with it. Kanye was and still is, better than your average rapper and whilst I'd love to say that his new foray into synth-pop was a failure, it clearly isn't. The album as a whole is heartfelt and genuine and he manages to retain a fine layer of masculinity throughout, his over-use of the auto-tune making him seem robotic and disconnected from his outpouring of emotion. He's a smart guy and Paranoid is the stand-out track from 808's and Heartbreaks. No proper video, sorry.

What Do I Get? has pretty much always been my favourite Buzzcocks song. I first heard it on the Ghost World soundtrack and have loved it ever since. It's one of many perfect examples of poppy British Punk. They should put this in a time capsule just so they can see what we were capable of. I wish I had found this when I was 14. *sigh*

It's no secret that I love DEVO. The idea, the band, the image. They are the most infinitely interesting band to me. I remember when I discovered that Mark Mothersbaugh did the music for Rugrats. I nearly shit myself when it dawned on me that their unique sound had been with me my entire life, when I heard Devo for real, it was like part of my subconscious was re-awakened. Be Stiff! Well, go on!

What?! Who the fuck are The Coool Kids!? C'mon gramps. You got your finger up your ass and not on the pulse! Sorry. These kids are hipper than the name suggests and awesome with it. The bass makes my skull rattle on early morning bus rides, combined with my nuka-coffee to make the ultimate wake up mix. I'm Mikey.

That's it for now. Sorry for some of the shit videos. But alot of these weren't singles. Just enjoy the music and stay tuned for more coherent future posts with what's sure to be an awesome title. Word.

The Faux Bot

Friday, 28 November 2008

Staying edgy in the 21st century.

If I were a hardcore Sex Pistols fan, this week I would have been raising the barrel to my temple and weeping uncontrollably while watching John Lydon advertising Country Life butter on TV. After carving a reputation as a punk icon I can only imagine how he justified this to himself. Times must be hard.


AWOL no more

Rather than just posting as normal, I thought I'd better make a small announcement regarding my whereabouts over the last 4 weeks. Then I thought about it some more and decided, no, fuck you, mind your own fucking business. All anyone needs to know was that it was a particularly difficult time for me that has left me more bitter and angry than ever at a world that consistently gives me the shit end of the stick. Fuck you world, technically I won this round- I can still walk. Just about. Nooch.

I'm back.


Tuesday, 25 November 2008

A serving of Post-Punk

New Wave, Post Punk, Art Punk, Darkwave. Call it what you will, but I've always been a sucker for pulsing basslines, danceable rhythms and angular guitars. Much thanks goes to Jon for the tip on the Birthday Party. Without him, I would never have been spurred into posting this. So, if it all sounds shit, not really my fault.

I couldn't make you all a mixtape, so a thorough pillaging of Youtube will have to suffice. Let's begin the proceedings with The Fall and Big New Prinz.

Next up, let's have some of that aforementioned Birthday Party with Release The Bats.

What celebration of post-punk with be complete without some Gang Of Four? Well, a shit one presumably.

A Certain Ratio are sadly underrated band. To be fair though, if you believe Michael Winterbottom's 24 Hour Party People, then they were being stacked up against Joy Division. Hardly fair really. Still, Shack Up.

ESG are the coolest ladies in the world. You can melt that fact and It'll freeze solid again. Why? Because it STOOONE COLLLLDDD! Sorry. They were the first band to make me dance, and my dancing is a gift to the world at large. Thank these fine ladies. Here they are, in 2006, still looking fly, with Moody.

The sound has been updated, modified and downright bastardised several times. Very few get it right, but to finish off, I thought a bit of a wild card was in order. Something more contemporary and one of the few current bands to get it right, !!! (Chk, Chk, Chk) with Heart of Hearts.

The Faux Bot

Friday, 14 November 2008

Arnie Metal

Arnie is a pop culture icon. He is fucking awesome. A good impression of him is always funny. I personally feel that him spawning a Metal sub-genre was simply a matter of time. With no further stalling for time, I present to you Austrian Death Machine with their hit record 'Get to the Choppa!'

The Faux Bot

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

The on/off genius of Pharrell Williams, Kaws and Family Guy

Take a look at this picture of one-time musical genius Pharrell Williams.

Other than him sporting a very fashionable 'fixed gear' bike, what else do you notice? Is it the fucking awesome custom Family Guy Painting by Kaws? Or is it the tears behind his eyes as he further tries to define himself through his possessions? Probably the painting, right?

Since I've been aware of it, I've always been fascinated by postmodernism, particularly the movement's fascination with recontextualising icons and existing facets of popular culture. In layman's terms; I always felt that all the good ideas had already been done and I admired postmodernism's honesty, admitting to reworking past ideas to try and makes something at least half-new.

Kaws is easily my favourite contemporary artist, for many reasons. He paints with bold block colour, has a Graffiti background and could be considered as the very embodiment of this sort of postmodernism. His trademark crossed eyes have reworked icons as distinctive as The Simpsons and Mickey Mouse, and more recently helped to cement Spongebob Squarepants' rightful place in pop culture history.

The Family Guy painting as modelled by Mr. P has struck a particularlarly negative chord with me though. I refuse to believe that Family Guy and its characters can be considered to be truly iconic, after all, the last 3 series' were utter shit and have no long-standing place in pop culture and more importantly, how can a show that is a collage of The Honeymooners, The Simpsons and The Flintstones be reworked when so few of its elements are its own?

Perhaps Kaws identifies with Family Guy because they both rely on recontextualising the past in order to make something new. Maybe Kaws is commenting upon his own character with this painting, in which case, it is the best thing he has ever done. Fascinating how I have these debates with myself, isn't it? God, someone please talk to me about this. What do you think?

I'd like to believe that Kaws truly understands Family Guy and is using it to reflect upon himself, but I still have the underlying feeling that Pharrell gave him $50,000 just to 'do the Griffins'. Whichever way, I feel better for sounding off. Please excuse the erratic nature of my writing and just enjoy some of Kaws' finer works:

Please note that despite my negative tone, I thought that the last N*E*R*D album was amazing, it's just that the Neptunes' production has gone a little off the boil lately, and Pharrell seems far too concerned with 'owning shit' like most rap wankers. Also, if you're curious, check Wikipedia for the Fixed Gear trend. It escapes me, just know that it is synonymous with New York hipsters.

The Faux Bot

Spot the birdie.

I wish every poster I came across was as interesting as this one. Found in a bus stop on the grounds of Nevill Hall hospital, I did a double take, as did everyone else who looked at it while I stood waiting for the bus!

I hope he was found.


Thursday, 23 October 2008

Food Box.

You know what sucks? YOU, Britain. Look at all the candy I'm not eating right now but would be if I was an amazing American.


Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Chief Wiggum Shakes....

...are off the chain! No-one can drink 2 though.

The Faux Bot

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

The truth is out there.

Everyone is interested in UFOs and unidentified phenomena. You'd have to be pretty self obsessed and insular to not have wondered what was really out there in the infinite space around our spec of a rock. Unfortunately I'm sure there are a few exceptions to the sweeping statement I made as the first sentence. The kind of person who if told alien technology had been utilized by our government to further the progress of mankind to such incredible levels that the entire earth could be one perfect utopia by the end of the week, would shrug and turn back to watch their 7th straight hour of Big Brother 23. I choose not to include these people whenever I write, as I'm sure even if they could read they couldn't operate a computer well enough to navigate here.

Back to the point. When I find myself with little to do in the next few weeks I'm going to go here Files on UFOs released by the UK government under the freedom of information act. Sure they'll be full of crackpot rubbish and poor quality sketches, plus we all know if there was anything interesting ever in these files the government would have hidden them years ago, right? However this isn't going to stop me having a look, because like all men (I assume) I want to be Fox Mulder, and unless my life takes a change of direction any time soon this is as close as I'm getting.


If you can't kill them, mock them

Every day I make a conscious effort to filter out any sort of mainstream press. I'm not trying to be 'oh-so counter culture', I just feel that most news outlets have very specific agendas that I find either personally offensive or damaging to society. However, I am often subjugated to the BBC's 'Breakfast' show so I am well aware that there is a 'Worldwide Financial Crisis' and my girlfriend drives so I also know that petrol prices are extortionately high right now. Essentially, I cannot afford to participate with the rest of the world right now. The things that I am told that I need in order to become a regular member of society (car, house, debt) are all so far out of my grasp that I have simply stopped trying. With that said, it should now be clear that I am just the sort of loser that finds market crashes, banks going bust and global meltdown absolutely hilarious. It's the equivalent of not being allowed in some bigger kid's tree house and then pissing yourself as it burns down after being hit by lightning. No money, no problems.

You may wonder what set off this little rant and I am more than happy to satisfy your curiosity. May I present to you The Blog of Brokers with their hands on their faces. The lighter side of financial crisis. I just love to think about their lives going down the pan. If it wasn't an industry solely motivated by greed, then I wouldn't be bypassing my normally sympathetic manor. Thing is, I just love to see people get their comeuppance.

The Faux Bot

Sunday, 19 October 2008

A Message to The Kids: Keep Everything

I've recently been whiling many an hour away over at our mate's blog: and if there's one thing I've learned from it, then it's that, culturally, I had an amazing childhood. After reminding about Madballs, he willingly fulfilled my request for a Boglins post and I have no doubt that My Pet Monster or Monsters In My Pocket will soon follow. What I've realised is that I owned most of these awesome toys and now they are nowhere to be found. Who is to blame? THE PARENTS!

Parents will just throw that stuff right out, there's simply not enough room for your monster collection, your bargain-basement Macross and your original Millennium Falcon. Now, I can hardly say that I "suffered" from ADHD as a child, more "reveled" in it, but my parents swear blind that they'd have had me locked down on Ritalin and would be reaping plenty of government grants if they had got me diagnosed. My destructive behaviour and 2 minute attention span means that I no longer have any of those cool toys and this breaks my heart.

I urge you, keep all your cool stuff, even if you don't quite appreciate it right now, because a close friend of yours may start writing a blog, reminding you of it all and all you'll have is your own regretful tears. Make your parents listen to my tale of woe and they'll find some extra room for you. I would give up half of my stuff just to have my completed Sloppy Slobs sticker album back.

The Faux Bot

Friday, 17 October 2008

Good news HD fans.

Are high priced Blu-ray players soon to be a thing of the past? thinks so, and I for one hope they're right. Panasonic's DMP-BD30 seems to be making the leap, getting reduced to $259.99 and it's region free to boot.

The unit looks good and the price is definitely getting there, plus the DMP-BD30 is already lower priced than what I payed for my very first DVD player all those years ago. That said, I wont be jumping on this particular bandwagon just yet. If this is the shape of things to come I'm more than interested enough to keep an eye on the Blu-ray market but I don't think I'll be getting the credit cards out at this point. There are still things to settle down in my eyes as far as the world accepting the new format goes, not least because DVDs are still providing quality pictures at ever decreasing prices and the Blu-ray discs are grossly overpriced by comparison. When Evangelion makes the move to Blu-ray however, it'll be hard to resist...

Original article


Tuesday, 14 October 2008

Meat Sports.

Strange videos appear online all the time but this is the weirdest one I've come across recently. Things are almost never completely pointless, created for some purpose or whim, but I'm struggling to find the motivation for this one. Or perhaps the motivation is so obvious I've overlooked it until now- men like women in bikinis and meat products. Weave them together and what you get is, well, see below.

Meat sports to be an Olympic event by 2020? Who knows, maybe someone will start a petition? Maybe I will. Maybe I have.

Link dump:


Friday, 10 October 2008

The majesty of the Clinical Burger.

There is a place in a city not far from here, where taste meets enjoyment. Imagine a white palace where all the guards wear white hats and all the surfaces, be they floors or counter tops, sparkle and glimmer like pure polished granite. I have been there many times with friends, all sharing in the late night snacking fit for the good lord himself. Thinking about it, I'm sure if the lord ever did want a burger he would not hesitate to boldly walk up to the counter and order a 'number 6'. But I digress.
Tonight friends, I am saddened. It has been many months since I have had a clinical burger and the desire is manifesting itself once again. Yet I am far removed from the white palace and I know not when I return. Let us all hope and prey that I feed the beast before too much time passes and blood is not this time spilled.


Wednesday, 8 October 2008

Joe Kinnear rant

Possibly the best first interview by anyone ever. Way to come out fighting. Its been suggested Kinnear did this purposely to try and take some of the pressure off the Newcastle United players feeling the heat at the struggling club. Whatever his motives it makes great reading.

This is only the beginning of the interview, see link for full transcript.

"The following is an edited transcript of Newcastle interim manager Joe Kinnear's first official press conference yesterday

JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?

SB Me.

JK You're a cunt.

SB Thank you.

JK Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] fucked off.

SB No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?

JK I've fucking read it, I've read it.

SB It doesn't say that. Have you read it?

JK You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.

SB Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.

JK Fuck off. Fuck off. It's your last fucking chance.

SB You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.

JK What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?

SB I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.

JK You are negative bastards, the pair of you"


Monday, 6 October 2008

I'm bored. Now I'm more bored.

Please people, don't try and fill your time reading the BBCs Internet Blog. Its boring, and to read it I'd need a grey suit and a desk with files on it. Maybe its not that bad, but my only experience means I'm never going back. Allow me to demonstrate.

"Earlier this year, Jem Stone blogged that the BBC had joined the OpenID Foundation. And a week ago, the BBC hosted a meeting of the OpenID Foundation Content Provider Advisory Committee in New York. I was there, among the BBC people and participants from major media companies. This was the first time we gathered a wide participation of companies interested in the possibilities of OpenID."

There is more, and they go on to explain what OpenID is etc etc, but honestly I can't see most people getting beyond "Content Provider Advisory Committee". Snooze.

However, being the helpful sort of chap that for all you know I am, I have an idea to make this kind of material more palatable: comical or fun pictures.
I could see on the news that the French have created a doomsday device, so long as they reported it with a picture of a cat in a hat, or a clown getting hit by a pie. Try reading the same section of that article again (below) that has my subtle changes made to it...

"Earlier this year, Jem Stone blogged that the BBC had joined the OpenID Foundation. And a week ago, the BBC hosted a meeting of the OpenID Foundation Content Provider Advisory Committee in New York. I was there, among the BBC people and participants from major media companies. This was the first time we gathered a wide participation of companies interested in the possibilities of OpenID."

I think the results speak for themselves.


Saturday, 4 October 2008


Is Kayo, Polysics' synthesizer, vocoder & voice the cutest synth player ever? Discuss. Also the band is kick-ass.

Original photo


Monday, 29 September 2008

Inspired by Robin Coopers timewaster letters

Today I sent an email to Oceana club, Cardiff after they sent me a 'letter' inviting me and my friends to party with them. Let me confirm that I would not party in Oceana if the world was about to end and everywhere else was fully booked.

Here is a copy of the email:


recently I received a letter from you, which was surprising since I've never signed up to your mailing list, inviting myself and friends to come to your club. Unfortunately myself and many of my friends have large visible tattoos which I believe you have a policy against. Boy, did you get some bad (and rightly deserved) press over that debacle! Way to alienate a sizable section of your potential demographic! Anyway, I guess that's partly what 'Right of admission reserved' means. Does this mean I can't come to your club?


Edward Timpkins"

I eagerly await a reply.


Saturday, 27 September 2008

The old stuff is always the best...

I realize this is the second TV clip in two posts and I'll try not to make a habit of it. A thank you to the Faux Bot for our shiny new banner goes out in the form of this clip. Enjoy.


Thursday, 25 September 2008

Hey batter batter batter

I've been getting real tired of late because other people are not uploading the clips I want to watch. Usually I just get annoyed that others everywhere aren't subconsciously doing my bidding, but last night was different. Maybe I had more free time than usual, or maybe I lost my XBOX pad and had to entertain myself the good old fashioned way (with the internet), but I decided to do it myself. It turns out editing out clips and putting them back together from existing episodes that others have spent hours carefully making is a short and easy process if you do it half-arsed. Which I did. So enjoy this classic Randy Marsh moment. On me.

Please note I did not create Randy Marsh and do not lay claim to any of the original material. Snoogans.


Monday, 22 September 2008

Killer sex

Hands up who thinks having sex on a railway line is a good idea? No one? Well done, you all get to live! Unlike the couple from the Mpumalanga Province in South Africa who got killed doing just that. After ignoring the drivers shouts to move, the train just plowed into them, leaving the driver confused. 'They continued with their business' he later told some newspaper.


Thursday, 18 September 2008

Coincidence. I assure you.

In some sort of double coincidence it has come to my attention that pop rock wasters Fall Out Boy's latest album is entitled 'Folie a Deux'. Initially disappointed that I would ever have anything in common with that 'band' I was dealt a further kick to the balls with the realisation that the artwork for the album cover was done by Luke Chueh- a favored artist of mine. Even the fact that the album would be the only piece of his art I'll ever afford isn't enough for me to buy it of course.

Looks good doesn't it? Don't buy the album though, it'll be shit.


Thursday, 11 September 2008

The most amazing man ever.

You know how some people have lives so comfortable that they actually have time to ponder their existence? They call them existentialists, and they will be first against the wall when I come to power. Sweeping generalisations aside, it seems that there really are some people who have a purpose beyond their own existence. Take Kip "Kipkay" Kedersha, for example. He is some sort of man-genius who has worked out how to hack, modify and improve just about everything you thought needed improving (except for the quality of my writing). Ever wanted a pair of home-made infrared goggles, or wanted to know how to "superchill" a canned beverage in 2 minutes? Me too.

Chill A Coke In 2 Minutes! - video powered by Metacafe

This guy is amazing. Hopefully he will start some sort of religion/cult soon so that I can go serve under him. Come on people! He can chill a coke in 2 minutes! Blows Christianity right out of the water.

What are you waiting for?

The Faux Bot


As I travelled into the city this morning I was appalled to see a man, yes a man, wearing a pair of sports socks. The ones that women wear to play tennis. If you're going to wear shorts why demean yourself further by wearing stupid socks? Stop and think about the impression that they give to other people, you alco-pop drinking, leg hair grooming poodle owner. They are not a good look for a man.

Just roll your regular socks down like the rest of us Mr. La-di-da.


Tuesday, 2 September 2008

Who said men don't play with dolls?

I'm unable to post for the rest of the week so I've decided to leave something that could easily take the whole week to think about. Possibly one of the odder fetishes (if that is the right term here) I've come across is the world of the Real Doll- the "world's finest love doll". I can't really do the topic justice in this short time so just check it out for yourself, delve deeper at your own peril. Enjoy the different models including the limb-less torso and explore the ways in which you can get your Real Doll repaired if you've become a little 'over enthusiastic' and broken it.

I tried to add a picture but couldn't bring myself to lower the blog even more than I did with the sexy nun picture. At least not in the first 2 weeks of its creation. Maybe next week.


Saturday, 30 August 2008

Why is this news?

In what will probably become a regular feature, today I am questioning why the media reports on half the bollocks that it does. For example, today's trawl turned up this gem from our own BBC: "Australia suffering man drought". Who cares? Stop the press, there are 100,000 more women than men in Oz. Turns out men in their 20s and 30s are going elsewhere to work- if I was brought up in Australia with half a brain I'd probably leave as soon as I could work or afford a flight off the rock too.

I just cannot fathom who this news is interesting to. "Hey kids, hey ma, come check this out! This article just told me Australia has more women than men! Maybe cousin Jack who's 36 and never had a girlfriend can go there and get lucky!" An interesting footnote to that little story is that Ma wasn't listening because she had her head in the fucking oven knowing that once again her husband was overly interested in a piece of shit.

Good times.


Thursday, 28 August 2008

'Morons' - for 8 points

Hasbro are suing a couple of Indian game creators, Rajat Agarwalla and Jayant Agarwalla for infringing on the property rights of Scrabble, with their game 'Scrabulous'. From what I can make out from the game tiles, game board and rules to Scrabulous are incredibly close to family favorite Scrabble. Actually I would go further and say that they are the same.

Scrabulous is apparently one of the more popular applications on the stalkers site, Facebook, with millions of players a day, so there is little wonder Hasbro sees it as a threat to be squashed. Usually I'd be all for the little guy or the underdog... but not this time.

Why? These guys didn't even fucking try! If you want to rip of someone elses idea at least attempt to cover it up! Those lazy bastards, they barely changed the name or any of the rules and had the same points-per-tile as Scrabble, really taking the piss. People living in the Jungle having recently discovered fire know how to play Scrabble for fucks sake.

Hopefully the courts will sort it all out and Scrabulous will be destroyed forever, leaving no trace. If somehow the courts find in favor of Scrabulous, and the floodgates open, look out for my new board game coming Christmas 2008- Monopoli.

This city deserves a better class of criminal...


Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Things I like

For a start, skate videos shot on HD cameras at 120 fps. Beautiful.
You know when people say that football is poetic? This is alot like that, only better. Go to the link to watch the HD version. Seriously, I only embedded it to pad this piece out.

skate - shot on red - 120 fps from opus magnum prod. on Vimeo.

Coming soon: words.

The Faux Bot

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

The hand that giveth also taketh away...

Father Antonio Rungi (mentioned below) has withdrawn his plans for the 'Sister Italy' contest to my dismay. After the announcement gained global interest, down came the naysayers and the wagging fingers from the upper echelons terrified that someone within organized religion had once again made something of a blunder.

"'My superiors were not happy. The local bishop was not happy, but they did not understand me either,' Father Antonio Rungi told Reuters by telephone from his convent in southern Italy on Tuesday".

So there comes and goes my interest in this Nun pageant, back to square one to say the least. Instead of celebrating the social and charitable achievements of the Sisters of Italy with a friendly event that has mild worldwide interest, we are told once again that Nuns are boring.


Hot Cross Nuns

Something we can all enjoy starts in September when Antonio Rungi, an Italian Priest, begins his search for the best looking Italian Nuns. He wishes to hold the worlds first beauty pageant for the religious lovelies, trying to dispel stereotypes of Nuns as 'stunted and sad'.

Rungi suggests it is the choice of the entrants whether they pose veiled or unveiled, which still seems a little reserved if the Nuns-gone-wild series is based on any truth at all.


Sunday, 24 August 2008

Way to spoil it.

First up I'd like to start by insulting the owners of and who have 4 posts between them in total and last posted in November 2000 and September 2004 respectively. '' going the extra mile in taking the piss with the only post reading 'Today is the first day of the rest of my blog'. I don't even know where to start with that.